Category: Let's talk
Today my dad said he is leaving.
I’m not a kid or financially dependent… but it feels like I’m being ripped apart.
I can totally understand this. I mean, my parents are controlling me too much, and I don't really like them, to be honest. But for me ... they belong together. They just do. There was a time when they considered that too, but they are still together. I mean if it is really bad, sometimes it is just better to split ... maybe just for a while, not for ever, just to relax.
Sorry to hear that YC, it sucks, really does......
well, it's normal you feel like that. after all, you are losing something if they do as well. if they've been together all your life, your world is being torn apart too. But you always have to remember that it's not your fault. too many people fall into that trap. It's how i felt initially when my parents split up. i wondered what i'd done. Lots of people do that. Sometimes it's better for everyone if they take some time away from each other.
Hugs, i can understand how you feel.
Yeah, that is true. It is hard at the beginning I guess, even if oyu do not live with them anymore.
I really love my dad - but I am furious with him.
I can imagine. I really can understand this. But have you ever talked it over? Just ... talked to him?
No... Didn't think - too angry I suppose !!
sometimes parents donn't even think how something like this will affect their children. That's why you should let them both know that this is taring you apart. Just tell them, and don't hold back, i know that seems hard, but it's the best thing for everyone concerned.
agree Loui. My parents split up when i was 1 year old so i did not realize it. But i really do not have a problem with it. Hope you feel better Yellow cat.
Yellowcat without knowing the circumstances its impossible to comment but it sounds as if your Dad is doing what he feels is best,or some might say, taking the easy option ..but would you rather have your parents together and constantly fighting the effect of that is devestating.
Yellowcat without knowing the circumstances its impossible to comment but it sounds as if your Dad is doing what he feels is best,or some might say, taking the easy option ..but would you rather have your parents together and constantly fighting the effect of that is devestating.
Goblin, it’s happening all around me - but I don’t feel I know the circumstances anymore either…
I agree with Goblin, sometimes it is better, but if you do not know the circumstances, then in my opinion something is wrong.
if you don't understand the cercomstances yourself, that's more of a reason to sit both of your parents down and talk to them about how it's affecting you. You're their child, and like it or not, if they're choosing to do this, then at least they owe you some kind of explanation.
I agree with Louisiana on this. As a member of the family, I think u have a right to know. And, if u can't get an answer by talking to them together, maybe try to talk to them separetly. Though each has his/her own storry, the real one lies somewhere in between most likely, but at least this will give u a part of the picture. Here's another thing to consider though. Since u say u r no longer a kid and no longer financially dependant on them, could it be that maybe they were staying together for your benifit previously? The possibilities are endless, and the only way u will ever get any answers is to discuss this with them. Good luck, and sorry to hear about that.
Yellow cat, you are there child. In the family between a mom and a dad you are number one. And they care for you, so i think as people are saying sit them down or sit one of them down separately and tell them that this is affecting. You never know, they might listen to you because you come before everything in there lives. Hope this helped.
Yellowcat I would demand that they talk to you it's cruel and selfish to keep you in the dark, though they may assume they are doing good by it.I would tell them outright how terrible you feel,it sounds to me as if your parents are wrapping themnselves in their own pain,to block out the reality of the situation. Maybe your honesty and anguish will be the wake up call that they need.
And it is a cliche, but you can always call an organisation experienced in family disputes for advice and support, best of luck pal ..Alex.
I agree with all of you. You need to talk to them. Hhonestly. At least try. Maybe you have another family member (grandmothers or aunts or uncles) who can help you there? I mean, maybe it is easier for you then.
i'm sorry to hear that. i'm sure though your parents won't admit it, this's affecting them too. there are greiving stages, and it sounds as if they might still be in denial. best of luck to you and your family. we're always here for you if you need us.
Tried to talk to my mum… She says I should speak to my father - as he is the one who decided he was going.
I’m so confused - I can’t tell if she is just putting me off - OR giving dad a chance to tell me his side of things first - cos he HAS moved out !!
Probably won’t see him until the weekend now…
well, when my parents split, I've first got to say, it was the best thing in my life, and whenever I feel like it now, I just beat the living shit out of my father. that seems to work
lmfao Garret!!!
Yellowcat, it might be a good idea to try and talk to oyur father ,or, maybe, write him a letter if you do not want to speak to him. This is what I always do if i am scared of talking to someone or if I know that it will not help.
Yellowcat could you record your feelings the shock of hearing your anger on the tape may just jolt your parents out of their miasma.
Thanks for the help everyone - I am going follow some of the advice and go to my grandma’s (my mums mum) for the weekend. Hopefully I will have a chance to talk to her about things. At least my granma - won’t put me off or make things out to be better than they really are… but the laptop will be going with me too for support!!
it sucks for your parents to split. mine did when i was 2 but all through my life i have suffered from it.
Thats bad - cookies and cream, its a shame you have had problems (cos of your parents split up) since you were tiny. What happened??
Yellow Cat . Why are you posting about your parents splitting up? In your first post you hardly told us anything except you thought your parents were going to split up, and since then information hasn't been forfcoming. What do you want, sympathy? I mean, come on, you can't be realistically expecting anyone on here to do anything about it can you? For goodness sake, we don't even know why they're splitting up, not that it is of any significance to us anyway. I really can't be expected to care about something I know almost nothing about, and nor can anyone else. Either tell us what the heck is going on so that we can form an opinion if we've got nothing else to do at the time, or stop been an attention seaking sympathy hunter right?
Ok I’m still very new to this - and if my post has been inappropriate - then sincere apologies to everyone.
As for what is happening - part of the problem is I don’t really know, so I can’t post information which I don’t YET have. However, the wide ranging and supportive replies I have received - have helped me enormously. In fact I am already acting on some of these helpful and thoughtful suggestions.
Lastly, posting on the Boards in the Lets Talk section - gave me a safe (and non destructive) way of expressing my feelings of hurt and confusion, in this messy but ultimately commonplace family situation.
I’m not a TV show and this isn’t for your entertainment - if you don’t like it no one is making you read it - are they?
I wish you luck, just remember that it may be for the better even if it doesn't seem that way right now.
Good luck pal and we don't mind. take care.
Wayne, I'm sorry to contradict you again but since when are people not allowed to vent and show their feelings on here? And, yes, you somethimes need sympathy. Is that a bad thing? Should peoplc be ashamed because of that?
Insele was the lecture really necessary? where is your christian compassion hmm?
Did I say anything anti-christian? Why should people be ashamed to show their feelings to others? This is what I mean. I mean if oyu are sad because of something, the last thing you need is someone who says you should not post this here. That is just not right.
I was referring to your attitude and you of all people,should understand how people can lash out when they are hurting.
My parents both split when I was 18 months old. I think my dad couldn't cope with my special needs and hospitals all the time because of a motorbike accident he had before my parents met. It was horrible. We didn't go out much, I hit the Terrible Twos six months early and sort of carried on the tantrums for some time after that. I even met my dad's new partner who later gave him two sons and me two half-brothers. I didn't like her very much and I still think my dad's a loser to this day because he ran away from me, his small daughter because of the way I was and the way I will always be, totally blind.